I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he thought i was a dude.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize