is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
