Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
