bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
