Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
