farters have to be the big spoon...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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