I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He? As in you personified your dick?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
