Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize