i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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