In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
