3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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