I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
