Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
