we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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