we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
