Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize