Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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