Can i not drive my cunt home
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
