My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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