Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
