it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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