Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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