we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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