You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
