So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
