I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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