He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
