im six kinds of drunk right now
high people should be assigned attendants
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
