i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
