bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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