You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
