U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
