finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got inside last night via doggy door
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
