you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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