in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
