Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
