youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
