Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
