if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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