it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
