I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
