he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
