I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize