LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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