It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
