I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
