Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Randomize
