Will you blow on my dice?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
