Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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