Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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