last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize