Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
