How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
