the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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