Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
