I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
