We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
