Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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