i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was born a porn star she said
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
