Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
