I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
