community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize