I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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