If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
