It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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